Madi

Meh. I am going to be forever alone. Once I was talking to Mr. high school crush and he was telling me about how hard it is for him to ask out a girl he thinks is interesting. So this guy who had most, if not all, of the girls at the school swooning over him was telling me he has trouble asking a girl out. At that moment I was like, damn, if someone like this has trouble asking someone out…it must happen to everyone, to some extent. Whether it was as hard as he was explaining it was for him or if there are just nerves about actually asking the question. That is kind of when I decided I was going to be straightforward with every guy I actually thought was attractive/ interesting. (But not Mr.high school crush. I could never, I would die Haha.) My relationships have always started with that weird flirting…unclear flirting. You know what I mean, you flirt back and forth and you gush to your friends but then you aren’t sure that he actually likes you. And then it is like that for weeks. Then finally someone speaks up and the relationship is there. And sometimes, no one speaks up and then it just…goes away.
Anyway, I had decided that I would always want to just skip all of that and be clear about my intentions right away. To avoid all that annoying high school dating game stuff.
Obviously, a year and a half later I am here. I’m at home asking myself why I haven’t been confident and straightforward when I am interested in someone. Why is it so hard to ask someone I would like to know better out on a date? Life is so short…yet here I am. It happens to all of us. I guess that was the point of this. It’s the point I am trying to make for myself.
edit// He also provided some insight on crushing on someone. He said that he realized once you develop that interest, you start to hold onto everything they do and say to you and you start to convince yourself they have an interest in you too. Whether they do or do not think of you that way. I think Im going to have to agree with that one.
Just adding this to make myself more confused.